Hellooooo December...
Good Tidings!
Hold on...alright seriously how is it already December? And what happened to the fall?
In, like, the blink of an eye we went from this:
and this
and this
Good Tidings!
Hold on...alright seriously how is it already December? And what happened to the fall?
In, like, the blink of an eye we went from this:
and this
and this
and this...
to THIS!
AND THIS!!
AND THIS!!!
Well at least we've still got the holidays to look forward to...wait a tick, we've already blown past one of those too! What is going on around here? Why is time speeding by like a Tour de France Peloton? This is no joke, even Hanukkah began early this year. At least we've got 79,043 years before that happens again. What are we going to do about this whole time-flying thing though? Oh well, same old story, but how was your Thanksgiving by the way? We hope it was festive and joyful, and we hope your Hanukkah is festive and joyful too as it is still underway at the time of this writing.
Festive and joyful, festive and joyful....cold weather always brings the Madison Bicycle Shop morale just down, down, down, and then down some more...but that's exactly how we've learned to combat the pull--by getting festive and joyful! Read on to see how our guide could help you too!
ACHIEVING JOYFUL FESTIVENESS:
A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE
FOR THE COLD AND DEPRESSED SMALL TOWN BICYCLE SHOP
Step 1. String up your awesomely old-school Christmas lights.
Step 2. Break out your A Charlie Brown Christmas replica Christmas tree and place it upon your Bontrager saddles kiosk. Swaddle its base in a length of mechanic's towels from your Small Engine Repair Shop to approximate a rather convincing analog for Linus van Pelt's iconic security blanket.
Source Material:
Step 3. Place your little sweater moose in the front window.
Step 4. Direct his irresistibly beckoning little sweater moose gaze into the current of sidewalk foot-traffic.
Step 5. Hire an elfin Barista for the holiday shopping season and position her atop your coffee station (e.g., The Piccolo Cafe).
Tip: If you generally value your sleep, do not engage in prolonged, direct eye contact with the aforementioned elfin Barista.
Step 6. Make arrangements for SANTA CLAUS (What??? YES!) to make an appearance at your magical workshop on Saturday, December 7th 2013 from Noon till 2pm. Make sure that he will be available for wish-list confirmations and photo opportunities with the good* children of the area. Remind your customers to bring their cameras for prime moment-capturing.
*Naughty children also welcome but Madison Bicycle Shop cannot guarantee an absence of coal in the stockings of any individual in attendance. Final internal coal-to-gift ratio of any stocking is subject solely to contract with K. Kringle Inc. pending completion of thorough stocking-bearer behavior review for calender year 2013.
Step 7. Establish an exclusively designated yuletide sitting device for Mr. Claus and ensure that it is appropriately adorned in accordance with his specifications and level of Christmas Spirit. Outfit device with a visual reminder to customers of his visit which will take place on Saturday, December 7th 2013 from Noon till 2pm. Visual reminder should subsequently remind customers to bring their cameras along with them to the event.
Step 8. Offer Free Holiday Lay-A-Way and Free Shipping!*
*We will gladly store any gift until 2pm on December 24th with a 25% deposit and we are able to offer free shipping on most orders over $50.00.
Step 9. Put your Santa belly basket barrel on your sales counter and fill it with decorative, bicycle sized bags that make great camouflage for big ol' bike-shaped gifts.
If you are Ebenezer Scrooge, skip steps 10 and 11 and proceed immediately to step 12. If you are not Ebenezer Scrooge, disregard directions in bold above and continue on to step 10.
Step 10. PUT 'EM ON SALE!
Step 11. PUT A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF ON SALE TOO!
We've made your holiday shopping easy by reducing our top selling
bicycles below any competitor's pricing. If you find a better price
within 25 miles of our store and it is in fact the same exact product we
will match the price. We will also accept any competitor's coupons. If
you are not satisfied with our selection or reduced holiday prices, you
may reduce the price of any bicycle in the Trek collection by 10%.
*The fine print: No combining coupons. While supplies last. Valid until 12/24/13.
If you're not Ebenezer Scrooge, congratulations! You're all done!
If you are Ebenezer Scrooge, first of all you're not even supposed to be reading this, but whatever, we expected as much, come on now, move along, go on to step 12.
If you are Ebenezer Scrooge, first of all you're not even supposed to be reading this, but whatever, we expected as much, come on now, move along, go on to step 12.
Step 12. FOLLOW THIS GHOST!
So that's about it! "The most wonderful time of year" is well underway and the shop is looking real good:
Come on by and see for yourself!
Until then, Happy Holidays to You and Yours!
OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE!
...and to all a good night.
Madison Bicycle Shop
14 Kings Rd.
Madison, NJ 07940
(973) 377-6616
Oh yeah, almost forgot, we knew you carolers would eventually ask, so here's some figgy pudding:
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